In the New Year

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
- Carl Bard

This quote kind of sums up my philosophy for 2011. I'm not usually one for making New Year's resolutions; this just kind of came up during my time off over the holidays. You have more time for thinking once things begin to settle down after xmas.

I have made up my mind that there's no use having regrets about things I can't (and probably wouldn't) go back and change, so why let them take up so much of my mental real estate? I can't go back and practice more so I don't choke during the school musical or state music contest; my master's thesis is never going to be any better; I can't go back and not put off the small thoughtful gestures I thought I would have time to get around to doing.

So now I am trying not to put things off, even if it is just something small, like sending a donation to the proprietor of an email newsletter I have been receiving for years or filing papers in their proper place instead of stacking them on top of the file box. The big things are made up of the small things, and maybe by accomplishing enough of the small things, they will add up to something big.

--Nee in Germany resolves not to be such an ass, but she makes that resolution every year

Baby steps

My friend Shannon, who passed away in September, was a big fan of quoting song lyrics. She was always much more in touch with her emotions than anyone else I know, and could find links between what she was feeling and certain songs.

I, on the other hand, have only rarely been struck that way, but I wanted to share this video for "Firework" by Katy Perry, because it reminds me of Shannon.

This and that

Hannah and John still have a week of vacation, so to combat all the loafing around, he took her down to the basement and made her help him clean out our storage area and move everything into the space vacated by our downstairs neighbors when they moved a couple of months ago. Our stuff in cardboard boxes had been sitting on an earthen floor for 7 years, and the boxes were moldering. The neighbors' space was at least lined with some kind of rough tile, and they left behind a storage rack (minus shelves) that I think John was able to get some use out of. He also found a few bottles of mead that he had made back in the day, maybe 5 years ago, and one beer. Unfortunately, he also found a couple of framed items that I could have sworn were with the other framed pictures behind the desk in the study. I guess they got left in their box from when we moved here because they were relatively big. One is a drawing John's high school friend made for him and seems to be in ok shape; the other is the cross-stitch my mother made us when we got married. It looks a little moldly around the edges--I just hope I can get it clean. Any tips, LMIL?

I managed to get a decent amount of work in today, even though I slept in this morning after a less-than-decent night's sleep. The cherry on the top was checking my bank statement and finding out I had been paid for my last 2 jobs. Whooo!

I've been saving up my veggie scraps in a freezer bag to make broth, and I had a full bag, so while the soup for dinner cooked yesterday evening, I had a pot of broth simmering on the back of the stove. Then I got busy doing something else after dinner while it was cooling, but Hannah was kind enough to remind me on her way to bed that I needed to strain my weeds.

I also made goose broth from our xmas dinner carcass, but it might be a bit strong for soups and such. Maybe in rice? That carcass also provided some nice grease, with which I made a crust and the rue for a sauce to go into my chicken pot pie a couple of nights ago. Yum!

Last year, John started keeping track of all the books he had read for pleasure since we moved here, and he started an account at Shelfari (sp?) for this. I wasn't willing to go that far at the time, because it would have taken me ages to enter all the books I remember, after learning how to use it, but I did make up a list in Excel. Which I lost during the great computer debacle of my own making of 2010. Alas. But I am going to start from scratch for 2011, seeing how I got some books for xmas and all. So if I manage to get it set up, I will try to add a gadget (widget, whatever) to the side bar so you can see what I am reading.

--Nee in Germany didn't seem to mind the snow as much this winter

not dead, but starting to wish

computer has been fucked for several days

using John's new computer, hate the keyboard, couldn't find notes in msword all day

have a rush job, suddenly behind on everything else

*sigh*

Busy, busy

Today I spent the first part of the day running errands. Xmas is just around the corner, you know, plus I needed to pick up some medicine, do some insurance stuff, buy some shampoo--you know, errands. I was mostly successful, so that was nice. I came home tired but with a feeling of accomplishment.

When John went to clean the stairwell this afternoon, he realized that the bucket has been sitting out on the balcony, in the sub-zero temperatures, ever since we had our shower repaired. Sitting full of water. He thought it was frozen solid, but it turned out only the sides and top 2 inches were frozen. So now there is an enormous ice cube (or partial cube) melting in the bathtub.

Hannah has been watching the adventures of Chad Vader on Youtube. She got a Star Wars (Clone Wars) advents calendar this year, even though it has no chocolate in it, just cheap plastic toys. She has been bitching about the makers' sloppy attention to detail vis-a-vis light saber colors, etc, yet happily drags the bits of plastic around with her the whole day at school.

After the recent round of antibiotics, I have been feeling great energy-wise, but have recently started having digestive discomfort. I read that is pretty common until you build the flora in your gut back up. Since I originally came by my intestinal flora by passing through my mother's birth canal, and I don't think I'll manage it again that way, I have been drinking priobiotic yoghurt drinks, but I probably need to be drinking them more often. I asked John if he would share his flora with me by taking bites off my food.


I need flora, any flora!

John did not seem disposed to help me, for some reason. So I'll just have to do it on my own. Plus, I picked up the proton pump inhibitor my doctor prescribed me. That keeps you from making too much stomach acid, so I'll see if that helps, too.

And now I am off to watch the first movie from the Netflix-type service John set us up with.

Many returns of the day!

Happy Birthday to my seestor Kee! May your family and your ulcer be well-behaved. *smooch!*

Disaster strikes!

In a small way. Hannah cooked us a delicious spaghetti dinner on Monday. She put the noodles on the table. She put the sauce on the table. She went to close the leftover container of tomato sauce and managed to knock it off the counter, sending the plastic lid onto the hot burner and sauce down me, her, and the length of our galley kitchen. Luckily, John was making salad behind her, so he avoided getting splattered. Hannah and I had to strip off and soak our clothes before sitting down to eat.

The next day, I put the wet clothes in the washing machine on the spin cycle before washing them (otherwise it gets unbalanced), and in the 10 minutes they were spinning, I splattered my sweater with ketchup. (My pants, too, a little, but I didn't notice until later.) So that got rinsed and thrown in with the other bespattered clothing.

Speaking of laundry, I may have to murder our cats. They are inveterate pukers (one is long-haired, and hairballs are now the bane of my existence), but when I found cat puke in one of my shoes recently, that was the last straw. I don't mind them puking on the rag rugs (which is part of the reason I bought them), because those can go into the machine, or on tile, which is easy to clean, but when they start puking on other things, then I get hacked off. I've started threatening to turn Eliza into a muff after she dies.

I finally had a chance to pick up all the leaves that had fallen off my citrus plant. It had dropped over 50 leaves in about a week. I didn't even think it had 50 leaves on it. It is looking rather threadbare at the moment, but the poinsettia is looking good.

This year, I planted a slightly different variety of flowering plants in my window boxes on the downstairs balcony. There was still some statice and lobelia alive at Thanksgiving, so Hannah made a tiny bouquet out of them for the table. When I planted the carnations, I didn't realize they only bloom in the second year. The poor things are partially covered in snow at the moment. I have no idea if I should move them, cover them, or what, but if they survive this winter and my half-assed care, they will be the hardiest flowers I've ever had.

And it is snowing again. I need to return the key to the people I was catsitting for, but I really don't want to travel around in the snow if I can avoid it. Maybe I can take it by tomorrow when I am already going to be out and about (if I manage it).

-Nee in Germany has petty complaints, in the larger scheme of things

The freelance life's for me

I am finishing up a freelance translating job that is pretty big--an 84-page (photo-heavy, it is true) promotional piece for the nearby university hospital. This is after finishing a different promotional piece for them that was also 84 pages long, plus plenty of photos. Now I've been asked to give an estimate for another translation from one of the hospital's departments. So I guess they liked my original translation enough to pass my name on.

When I am wrapping up a project, I start to get a slight panicky feeling, in case the work dries up. But so far, that hasn't happened. Small jobs pop up here and there, during and between bigger jobs, and the bigger jobs show up fairly regularly. So I guess I shouldn't give in to despair about the irregular nature of the job.

Editing is my real love, my vocation, but translating is starting to grow on me as well. At first, I was worried that my German wasn't up to snuff, but I didn't take into account the fact that I am as stubborn as a terrier when it comes to figuring things out. I might not know what a certain term means, or have seen a certain expression, but I will take the time to look it up in several places and tease out the meaning, and then take the time to look up the context in English and figure out how it is talked about there. I love looking things up, so this is rather up my alley. Plus, the proof of the pudding is in the English, not the German, and I can totally rock the English.

I am not rolling in dough with this job (at least, not yet), but it has kept us from being pinched when things like John's dental bill or our car repairs have come up. All in all, I am glad I have started doing it.

-Nee in Germany works in her jammies part of the day

Free from the tyranny of the cat!

Well, just the cat I have been sitting. Her owners should be back from a delightful snorkeling vacation in Egypt later today, and boy, will they get a shock. It has been snowing since the day after they left. We got a break yesterday, and the sun even came out in the afternoon, but it has been snowing non-stop since after Hannah left for school this morning.

Except for making the daily run to feed the cat and translating, I haven't been up to much. It was John's turn to wash the dishes and do the grocery shopping over the weekend, so I didn't even have to do any of that. I spent most of the weekend curled up in the armchair, powering through the last phase of a sewing project. The rest of the week's worth of evenings should see it done. Then I already have another project in mind--a friend's daughter is going to have a baby in February, and a crocheted baby blanket should keep me out of trouble for another month or so.

Poinsettia watch 2010: I added a second plastic bag at night (an IKEA shopping bag), and the pink leaves are getting even darker. I don't know if it'll make it all the way to red (or if this plant was even red when I bought it), but it is still an encouraging development.

-Nee in Germany has an unobstructed view of the snowing, snowing, snowing...

Let it snow

When Hannah left for school at 6:40 this morning, the streets were wet and it was drizzling, but by the time I left for my catsitting duties at 8:25, snow was falling fairly heavily (large flakes, falling at an angle so even an umbrella doesn't help 100% to keep them off you). I walked home through wet, slushy snow. At least it will disappear from the streets quickly--I don't have to get back out in it, but I have to think about John on his bike and Hannah on the bus later this afternoon.

The cat lives up toward the top edge of the valley, and the view of the snowy village below was really beautiful this morning. I wish I had a working camera to capture a bush covered in little yellow flowers along its side with a thick layer of snow on top, or pink roses, fully blown and draped in ice and snow. The warm, spring-like weather we had earlier in the month has not done the foliage any favors now that it is snowing.

Judging by this webcam, though, it is not that snowy down in town, just toward the top of the castle hill. We often get more snow up here than they do down there, and the village even above us often looks like a winter wonderland while we only have a light dusting of snow.

I have reached the tipping point in my current sewing project, and I'm finding it hard to get my brain engaged with translating instead of sewing. Both should be completed within the next week, though, barring a disaster.

-Nee in Germany likes walking on snow, thereby destroying it

Home stretch

Just 2 more doses! Yesterday I bought a bunch of probiotic yoghurt to start chugging once I am done. I am thinking that after "eradication therapy", which sounds like scorched-earth warfare on my innards, I am going to need to jump start things.

I am getting rather tired of the incessant low-level nausea, the taste and sensation in my mouth of having just licked a whole xmas-list's worth of envelopes, and waking up 3 times a night and not even having to pee. Plus the anxiety over swallowing the larger pills without choking. When I feel nausea, I start stuffing myself, but then I feel overfull PLUS the nausea. I can't imagine suffering through it for a long time, like during chemotherapy. So I am telling myself not to be such a wiener.

[Had to take a quick break to de-escalate a situation with the cats in the next room. It sounded like one might be ripping the other's head off, but when I walked in, they were sitting about 2 feet apart looking at each other. Whatever.]

I am already feeling like I have a lot more energy. Part of that may just be psychological since I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere with all this medical stuff, but part of it might be because I stopped taking the beta blockers. I've been checking my pulse in the morning right after I wake up, and it has consistently been 70 beats per minute, so I think going off them is probably ok. Even after a whirlwind weekend of turkey day baking and cleaning, I felt regular tired, not I-have-to-sit-down-in-the-middle-of-what-I'm-doing tired.

This morning has been almost as busy as yesterday already. Everything went basically the same up to the catsitting duties, then I took the car into the shop for a few small repairs and its biennial (every 2 years) inspection. Then I got to walk home in the rain. Well, more of a heavy drizzle at that point. (By the time John left for work, we were getting rain mixed with wet snow. Yuck.) I could have taken the bus, but I need to get a little exercise to start building myself back up. You can't sit on your ass, babying yourself for a couple of months without getting a bit out of shape, you know. Tomorrow morning I'll take the bus all the way up to the cat, but I'll walk home. Depending on when the car is ready, I may be doing it more than once.

Luckily for me, I was wearing my GoreTex shoes and my raincoat over my winter coat as I walked home in the rain. When I bought the shoes, I showed them off to John, who for some reason had it in his head that I had bought sexy shoes and was disappointed when it turned out that I had bought boys' all-weather shoes. When have I *ever* bought sexy shoes? If I took a quiz that told me what kind of shoe I would be (sounds like something you'd find on Blog Things), I'd be orthopedic, I'm sure.

The pinkination of the poinsettia seems to be coming along smashingly at this point. The citrus decided to make a liar out of me and has started dropping leaves again, but it has also started shooting upward in several places, so I'll just have to wait for spring to see what happens under normal growing conditions.

My two Thanksgiving cactuses have been blooming for a few weeks now. I think the pink one is running out of steam, but the bigger white one still has lots of buds on it. They have bright, interesting flowers, but I almost enjoy picking off the wilted flowers as much as looking at the fresh ones. Unfortunately, they drop yellow pollen on everything under them, including my shirt sleeve while picking off dead blooms. Sorry, I'm not the one you're looking for.

-Nee in Germany hasn't murdered any plants recently

No Peace for the Wicked

Yesterday it was the sound of running water, today it is a high-pressure hose across the street. About a month ago, some genius decided to tag a stone wall with some anatomically questionable penises (if I were younger, it might influence my decision to let one near me). Now someone has come out to spray them off the stone.

It's already been a busy morning. Since John was focussed on turkey day foods and American junk food on Saturday (and our fridge is so small), I needed to go get groceries for the rest of the week. I am also catsitting this week, so I got up, took my meds, got in the shower, ate breakfast once the post-med hour was up, drove over to tend the cat, drove to my normal 2 stores, and came home. I managed to score some excellent Xmas wrapping paper (you know I love me some gift wrap) and a couple of things to put under the tree for Hannah, oh! and a kit for a gingerbread witch house, which seems to be traditional at the holidays for some reason. Hansel and Gretel and all that, I guess.

Yesterday I managed to translate almost 4 pages, even after getting a late start in the morning, so I am hoping that today will be equally promising, work-wise.

-Nee in Germany can't decide if tagging with more realistic penises would have been acceptable

This and That

Our shower is leaking and the repairman won't be here until 4. I finally put a rolled up towel against the bottom of the door and closed the door to my office to try to block out the noise, but such loud tinkling of water cannot be contained. Between the sound of running water, the extra water I am drinking, the antibiotics, and yesterday's turkey dinner (more on that below), I have spent an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom today.

We celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday. We could have waited until the weekend following, but the guests we had invited had a scheduling conflict due to child custody arrangements, so we moved it up. John and I both scoured the local shops for a large turkey and only came up with a frozen baby turkey that weighed about 9 pounds (not enough for 6 people) or a freshly butchered, large turkey for 50 Euros. Ouch! John has connections at the university, and she and her husband were able to take him and Hannah along to the local military installation, where they were able to gorge themselves on American fast food and drown in the junk food offerings of the commissary. And buy a big turkey, among the bags and bags of junk food they carried home. I started cleaning and baking on Saturday, and I was very glad to finally put my feet up yesterday evening after our guests were gone. All in all, it was a success.

Now it is time to concentrate on the next big event--forcing my poinsettia to bloom. I brought it and my citrus plant indoors a few weeks ago, and they both immediately started dropping leaves. Oh, no! But now they seem to have stabilized. The citrus has new leaves, and the new growth on the poinsettia is turning a nice shade of mid- to dark pink. I'm having to be extra vigilant about keeping the door to the sunroom (aka my office) closed because I suspect the cats had been chewing on the poinsettia's lower leaves, hence the extra pukiness after they were brought inside, and I know for a fact that one of them will chew on the plastic garbage bag covering it overnight if given the chance. Sadly, my ability to post pictures of the glory of a forced poinsettia is severely hampered by our dead digital camera (there is a workaround, but I am lazy), so you are spared my efforts at vegatative photography.

-Nee in Germany is dreaming of a red-poinsettia'ed Xmas

Now we're getting somewhere

(Copied in part from my email to my family, to save time.)

Finally got the results from the gastroenterologist: gastritis caused by h. pylori, plus a weak valve at the top of the stomach. So I will be going on a week of antibiotics (amoxicillin, clarithromycin, and pantoprazol (actually a proton pump inhibitor), handily packaged together as a "ZacPac") to eradicate the h. pylori. The gastro doc recommended that treatment because of the family history of stomach cancer (you have a 6 times higher chance of getting stomach cancer if you've had h. pylori, I just read). I also read that pretty much any symptom between the nipples and the belly button can be attributed to this type of gastritis, so I'll just have to wait and see how I feel after the treatment.

So, there is no reason to believe I will be keeling over any time soon.

I've only taken 6 pills so far (the regimine is one each of the above, mornings and evenings), and I've already got a delightful rash on the back of my arm, but I doctored it with some lotion and will keep an eye out for any other locations.

Now I can get back to the real purpose of this blog, boring you all with extended descriptions of my efforts in indoor gardening, which I will resume after work today.

-Nee in Germany is on the road to recovery, possibly via diarrhea-ville

Someday, my results will come...

Talked to the gastroenterologist's office just now. The doctor is reviewing the results and will fax them to my g.p. first thing in the morning. So I should be able to call in the morning and get an appointment. Hell, I'll call now and get an appointment for later tomorrow morning. Ka-ching!

ETA: appointment for 11:30 Thursday morning.

I'm much calmer now

So I spent the hour from 5 to 6 pm last night dialing the gastroenterologist's number every 30 seconds or so and didn't manage to get through. I was about 50 flavors of pissed afterward, and I think John thought I was going to give myself a stroke.

In the meanwhile, I have been tracking down information on my symptoms, and I will go out on a limb and make a self-diagnosis of non-acidic laryngopharyngeal reflux, caused by a malfunctioning sphincter or 2. I may end up being way off base on this, but at least I have given myself a bit of relief from thinking I might (possibly, probably not) keel over while waiting for stupid test results. If reflux is causing my esophagus to spasm, that could be the chest weirdness I've been feeling, and the mild breathing problems I've been having could also be caused by bile or whatever hanging around in my tubes.

We'll see, but I think just calming myself down is going to help with the severity of some of the symptoms, at least. I'll keep everyone posted...

-Nee in Germany spends a lot of time clearing her throat

Seriously hacked off

Just got off the phone with the g.p.'s office. Still no results. She asked when I had been to the gastroenterologist. Last Monday. Oh, it usually takes *3 weeks* to get results. Wha?! The receptionist at the gastroenterologist said middle to end of *that* week. I'm pretty sure John heard that, too, so it wasn't just me being high. So I am going to try the special call-in hour this evening at the gastroenterologist and see if I can get some more info. grrr...

Busy, busy

Yesterday I went to the grocery store, or rather, 2 stores, which went off with one big hitch--my debit card wouldn't work at the 2nd store. After I had gotten out 20 bucks, printed a bank statement, and bought groceries at the first store *with the same card*. Annoying. So I had to run down the street and get cash, come back, and pay for my groceries, which were sitting in the cart at the end of the check-out lane the whole time. And since that jolt of adrenaline, I've felt pretty good.

Today, I spent a good chunk of the day finishing up the dishes and battling meal moths, again, but in the spice cabinet this time. Also annoying, but I got the cabinet thoroughly cleaned out and sanitized, so I'm hoping we don't have another outbreak.

Now I am going to hang around with Hannah watching tv.

Annoyed

I called the g.p. yesterday and today, and no results have come in yet. So I decided to google the gastroenterologist who did the endoscopy to see if there were any tips on how long I would have to wait, and there was a whole slew of info on the site. Now I am annoyed that 1. when I made the appointment by phone, no one said, oh, by the way, check out our web site while you wait for 4 weeks, and 2. it didn't occur to me until now. Extra annoyance: there is a phone-in consultation available to ask for your results, but only Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, 5-6 pm. If I had known that *yesterday*, I could have called. Now I have to wait until Monday for *somebody* to have some results, either the g.p. or the specialist.

So annoyed.

Probulation complete!

So yesterday I had the upper GI probe. I have no idea how it went, because the sedative basically knocked me out. I assume I was only about 97% unconscious, though, because I woke up in the next room in a comfy lounge chair, and I am guessing I got there partially under my own power.

What weirded me out last night was the realization that I probably was able to cooperate with the doctors *in German* in a semi-conscious state. At least I am spared the embarassment if that wasn't the case, because I don't remember anything after drinking something that tasted like banana + cat food and getting a shot. I have a hazy recollection of being asked to hold something in my mouth and it subsequently falling back out, and that's it.

Even when I had my wisdom teeth out and had laughing gas, I wasn't fully out of it, although I was pretty high. But I was aware of them tugging around in my mouth. That was the last time I had a major medical intervention requiring chemical assistance. Now I am wishing I had been given a sedative when I got my IUD inserted.

Sleepy time aside, I felt pretty ok when John got me home, but later, once the deadening spray had worn off, I had a couple of sore spots in my throat, so I am wondering if they took any tissue samples. I got to laughing at my current Terry Pratchett novel last night, and that did not feel good at all, but things feel better this morning.

I should be able to get the results from my doc at the end of the week, so I'll update once I know something.

--Nee in Germany is glad she didn't see any tubes anywhere at the doctor's office