A Tale of Two Explosions

A while back, Hannah was interested in "experiments", which generally meant a big, wet mess to her at the time, so in the furtherance of science, we got her a beginner chemistry set. Well, she just wanted to start mixing things together and sit back and wait for the explosions to start. We nipped that in the bud, and the chemistry set has been put away ever since. Recently she mentioned it, saying wistfully that she'd never got to use it. "Because you wouldn't read the directions," was my unsympathetic reply. Now that I think about it, though, she could just watch me in the kitchen if she wanted to find out how to make a big, explosive mess.

You can buy ultra-pasteurized milk and cream here that doesn't have to be refrigerated until you open it. The cream tends to thicken up in the carton, though, so there are often clumps in it. I had an opened container in the fridge, and rather than let it go to waste, I was making bastard cappucinos by adding it to instant espresso. Except I hit a clump when I was pouring; I squeezed a little, and KA-POW! Whipping cream shower. It could have happened to anyone, right?

But the next explosion... it takes a special brand of Nee to make such a huge mess. We can't buy Ranch dressing ready-made in a bottle here--the horror!--so we mix it up from a jar of powder Lovely MIL sent us. Except we don't eat salad all that often, so the leftover container of dressing tends to migrate to the back of the fridge, where it hides and waits. We were clearing out the fridge pre-shopping trip one weekend, and John pulled out the well-aged dressing. Now, I am sure that I had already asked him about the status of that dressing the week before, and he had declared it to be just *fine*, but then when it was my turn to do the dishes... Coincidence? I think not. Anyhoo, when I went to dump it out, I was accosted by a stench that has only one equal: cheese vomit. *gag* Did I mention that we use a Tupperware cup with a lid, like this one? By the way, the stench of zombified dressing does not come out of Tupperware easily. I started with dish soap and boiling water but quickly reached for the big guns: baking soda and vinegar. It works on the sink, so why not? It probably would have worked too, if it weren't for my own stupidness. I was trying to get the concoction up around the sides of the cup, and don't forget the lid, so I set the lid on top--not even sealed--shook it once, twice--KA-BLAM! Baking soda, vinegar, and cheese vomit stink EVERYWHERE, including the double-decker dish drainer (say that 3 times real fast) full of freshly washed dishes next to the sink. I was wiping up baking soda paste off the counters, cabinets, and walls for days afterward, and I am still finding spots until this day.

Kitchen: 2
Nee: 0