The Mailbox

Dear Lady with the pre-distressed jeans,

I’d ask for your money back if I were you, because they missed a spot. Or rather, two long, dark-blue stripes running down the inside of your legs. I don’t think wetting yourself is the look you should be going for.

Sincerely,
Nee

Dear Guy pushing the bike,

Yes, you look like Wolverine at 80, but that’s no excuse for running around town half-nekkid. Put your shirt back on.

Best,
Nee

Dear Nee,

How many times do we have to go over this? You are not allowed to touch sharp objects. Ever. Also, trying to thin out your mustache with a razor is a *bad idea* (see above re: sharp things). Just buy yourself some safety scissors, lay in a supply of Neet or hair bleach, and buy all your groceries pre-chopped and pre-shredded.

Love,
The gaping wound on your thumb and the shaved-off copiously bleeding pimple by your lip