'Tis the Season to Miss Hallmark

Germans don't seem to require greeting cards that have pre-printed sentiments inside, so I have to buy blank xmas cards and come up with my own text. I miss the old days, when I could buy cards that said something seasonally appropriate and I only had to jot off a quick personal remark a line long or so and sign. With this new system, I have to think up the whole thing on my own. Except when I run it past John, he always criticizes it. So now I have come up with 2 possibilities, neither of which I will actually use:

This holiday season, I was *going* to wish you
snowballs,
gift wrap,
warm cookies,
good friends,
and family,
but John thinks it's crap.

OR

Merry Xmas, Bitches!

Maybe I will just draw a picture.