John’s grandmother-ish person digs this German tv series, Kommissar Rex (Police Commissioner Rex), so John has been taping episodes for her. This is the perfect show for Mystery-Science-Theater-fication. Oh my god—sometimes the comments John and I come up with are entertaining enough to justify having to watch “Lassie Meets NYPD Blues” every Saturday night until the tape is full.
Basically, this German shepherd is the brains behind the entire police force. The most basic procedural work falls under their radar (like searching a suspect’s apartment, especially his computer, and NOT OPENING THE SCANNER), and Rex has to pick up the slack. I think he may also double as the force accountant.
He’s also the master of diversionary tactics. While the other cop is trying to make her getaway, he pushes the bad guy down the stairs. Then he rolls a chair down after him.
He’s so well trained that he keeps attacking the perp, even when the guy’s waving a chainsaw at him. Of course, the other cops are so incompetent that when the bad guy with the chainsaw falls off the roof, they don’t bother to check if he’s dead or slowly crawling away out of sight of the screen. They just sigh and smile and shake their heads when Rex peeks over the roof, completely unharmed.
And Rex turns his head away discreetly when his owner is kissing someone. An officer *and* a gentleman.
After hours, he likes to fetch birthday cakes (episode “Happy Birthday”). Who puts the dog in charge of bringing the cake?!
In other tv-watching news, we are still trying to come to terms with a couple of German shows that we just can’t seem to wrap our brains around. One is called “Wetten, dass...?” (“Bet that...?”). Here’s how someone on the Internet Movie Database described it:
“Each show has several celebrities invited who have to bet on different contestant(s) achieving his/her/their goal of performing a stunt. If the celebrities fail to anticipate whether their stunt will succeed or not, they have to meet their stake. Usually one stunt takes place outside the studio. At the end of the show, the best stunt is being voted for by the audience. There is also an audience bet, a stunt which the audience does choose from a preselection, which is not prepared and must be organized by the host city within the time the show is running. If the stunt succeeds, the show's host has to meet his stake.”
This show has been on for *25* years people, and the celebrities? Tom Cruise. I shit you not. Just a couple of weeks before Katie Holmes popped. His stunt (heh) to bet on was whether two 8th or 9th-grade girls could guess the identities of their classmates (male and female) by their *lipstick prints*. Depeche Mode was the musical guest once. And the host, Thomas Gottschalk, is a German icon. He also pimps the Haribo gummi treats. mmm... gummi bears.
But the concept of celebrity in Germany seems a little broad. Ok, ok, I know we have Paris Hilton et al., so maybe my impression is a bit pot/kettle-ish, but they still have nobility that are famous for doing nothing but having the right parents (and now we’re back to Paris Hilton). And some entertainers don’t ever seem to have regular jobs, they just bounce from one celebrity special to the next (and they seem to be on every week). The one I just saw advertised is for a putt-putt golf special. With celebrity guests. Mind-blowing. We’ve also seen this format on the “ABCs of the Smurfs” and “The Best Dance Songs” (whose “Time Warp” made me gnash my teeth in horror). But on the other hand, the dance show had a crazy-ass-looking band called Rednex from Sweden that played their version of the “Cotton-Eyed Joe”, which I promise you will never, ever hear in any Austin country-western bar. But I liked it.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
And the front of the fashion masterpiece. This was originally an "I *heart* NY" t-shirt her dad brought her when he was there for the MLA conference a few years back, but she gussied it up with markers, swatches of fabric, and buttons (and later an iron-on patch of a frog). No item of clothing is safe anymore.
Behold our table-top sweatshop! Hannah's Gwamma gave her a teeny-weeny sewing machine (hand-cranked, for accident reduction) and a stash of notions and fabric, and she and her friend Sinya have been cranking out embellished clothing by the yard since last night. They are actually taking turns with the machine and doing lots of hand-sewing as well. Gwamma will be proud.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Catchin' Up Is Hard to Do (But I'll Try)
To simplify things, I just put a link to our Yahoo photo albums over on the right. New are an album of Hannah opening a b-day package from Gwamma (titled "Gwamma's Gifts") and one titled "1 Late Spring/Early Summer." Hannah's after-school teacher tried to claim it was high summer today just because it was warmish. We had almost a week of warmness, all day long, then a cold front came through, so now we're back to cool/cold mornings and warm afternoons. Which means "Spring" in my book.
Anyhow, the daffodils are gone, the tulips are on their way out, and the tree pollen is finally subsiding, but other flowers and blooming trees are coming into their own, so we're not yet without Beautiful Nature all around.
I've been stupid busy with my classes (because I'm *gasp* actually trying to keep on top of them for once) and with my term paper, therefore the dearth of posting.
Highlights of the week:
Hannah dreams in German.
A boy in Hannah's class was wearing a t-shirt with a picture of an elephant on it and the logo "Don't forget--when I grow up, I'm going to the London School of Economics!" Wha?
I made gazpacho (mmmmmm).
Hannah stopped barfing at about 2 on Monday, just in time for John to relieve me so I could go to class. So I got to enjoy all that barf by myself.
Anyhow, the daffodils are gone, the tulips are on their way out, and the tree pollen is finally subsiding, but other flowers and blooming trees are coming into their own, so we're not yet without Beautiful Nature all around.
I've been stupid busy with my classes (because I'm *gasp* actually trying to keep on top of them for once) and with my term paper, therefore the dearth of posting.
Highlights of the week:
Hannah dreams in German.
A boy in Hannah's class was wearing a t-shirt with a picture of an elephant on it and the logo "Don't forget--when I grow up, I'm going to the London School of Economics!" Wha?
I made gazpacho (mmmmmm).
Hannah stopped barfing at about 2 on Monday, just in time for John to relieve me so I could go to class. So I got to enjoy all that barf by myself.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Life in the Sick Lane
Hannah is sick. She barfed after dinner last night, but went through her bedtime routine as usual. Then at 4 am the marathon barfing began, and she still can’t keep anything down now at noon. She was in our bed until around 6, but every time she rolled over—snap! I was wide awake. Cleared her throat—snap! Sighed, yawned—snap! snap!
Finally at 6ish she decided she was awake and went downstairs. John and I tried to catch a few more zzzz, but soon enough we heard more barfing from her room. Trust me, cleaning barf off a play bed is tedious and gross. So I bundled her off to the living room and turned the tv on real low. We cat-napped on the couch between bouts of barfing, and finally at 9 I was forced to get up by the arrival of the chimney sweep. I started cleaning all the areas we were only able to give a quick pass to in our sleep-deprived state. Then the handy-man showed up to clean our water heater before it has to be inspected in a week or so. If Hannah hadn’t been sick, I wouldn’t have been home to let all this traffic in. Now I just need the building crew to come traipsing through, and my collection of service people will be complete.
The weather is still wonderfully warm and sunny and clear, but now yellow pollen is coating every surface inside and outside our house. It’s not even worth wiping off because it will just be back in an hour (I’ve tried). The puffs haven’t managed to start colonizing our home yet, so that’s a plus, but right after I vacuumed and mopped, a whole fleet of winged seeds floated in the open windows and crash-landed on my spotless floors. *sigh* I just can’t win in the fight against filth.
Finally at 6ish she decided she was awake and went downstairs. John and I tried to catch a few more zzzz, but soon enough we heard more barfing from her room. Trust me, cleaning barf off a play bed is tedious and gross. So I bundled her off to the living room and turned the tv on real low. We cat-napped on the couch between bouts of barfing, and finally at 9 I was forced to get up by the arrival of the chimney sweep. I started cleaning all the areas we were only able to give a quick pass to in our sleep-deprived state. Then the handy-man showed up to clean our water heater before it has to be inspected in a week or so. If Hannah hadn’t been sick, I wouldn’t have been home to let all this traffic in. Now I just need the building crew to come traipsing through, and my collection of service people will be complete.
The weather is still wonderfully warm and sunny and clear, but now yellow pollen is coating every surface inside and outside our house. It’s not even worth wiping off because it will just be back in an hour (I’ve tried). The puffs haven’t managed to start colonizing our home yet, so that’s a plus, but right after I vacuumed and mopped, a whole fleet of winged seeds floated in the open windows and crash-landed on my spotless floors. *sigh* I just can’t win in the fight against filth.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Music Soothes the Savage Breast?
Or not. I’ve had a series of earworms the last few days that have not been annoying so much as inexplicable. Usually, I walk around humming the theme from the Beverly Hillbillies or Mahler’s 1st Symphony. Since yesterday, I’ve had stuck in my head, at various times:
* the background music to Eminem’s “Stan” (which on checking is Dido’s “Thank You”)
* Spongebob’s “Campfire Song” (C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E, sing it!)
* “Do You Really Want It?” by that irascible duo, Soul Control
B-O-M-B-Y has been useless in the face of this musical onslaught. I wonder if this is my brain’s way of telling me, “All circuits are busy. Enjoy some music while you’re on hold.”
Speaking of music, I have a bone to pick with John. Back when Hannah was little (*sob*), we looked at the music on our computer and decided some of it was inappropriate if she should come across it. Yet, I see that King Missile is still on here. If John gets to keep his “Detachable Penis,” I want my “Chocolate Salty Balls” back!
After years and years of denial, I have finally accepted that I cannot wear shoes with any kind of heel. There’s some kind of tendon (? I’m not a medical professional) that runs across my ankle and the top of my foot that gets sore/irritated even when wearing square-ish shoes with relatively low, wide heels. John doesn’t like these shoes anyway, but my rule of thumb when shopping goes like this:
1. comfort
2. fits *my* sense of aesthetics
3. fits other people’s sense of aesthetics
If someone tries to force #3 into the #2 or even the #1 spot, I feel compelled to invoke the “Bite Me” rule. (See sock post.)
As much as I like to pretend that I hate the expression “stupid cow,” I must say that it is perfect in certain situations. Say, when 2 girls are sitting on the stairs chatting and people are trying to get past in a space big enough for just 1 person.
I walked most of the way home from town this afternoon so I could TAKE MORE PHOTOS! Bwa ha ha! If you can’t stand the photos, stay out of the album! Or something. I had 120 photos when I walked in the door, but I pared them down and sorted them out, so there are now just under half up at yahoo. (I wasn’t going to inflict more Spring on you all, but a little bird told me that at least one of you likes them.)
Today was the first hot day this year. 30C! (86F) My grandmother mentioned they finally had a day *below* 90 a week or so ago in West Texas. But for us it was wonderfully hot and sunny. Walking around, I noticed all the smells of Spring/Early Summer that you don’t notice are missing: the river, cut grass, cow manure (near a small dairy), a faint scent of flowers. Lovely!
* the background music to Eminem’s “Stan” (which on checking is Dido’s “Thank You”)
* Spongebob’s “Campfire Song” (C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E, sing it!)
* “Do You Really Want It?” by that irascible duo, Soul Control
B-O-M-B-Y has been useless in the face of this musical onslaught. I wonder if this is my brain’s way of telling me, “All circuits are busy. Enjoy some music while you’re on hold.”
Speaking of music, I have a bone to pick with John. Back when Hannah was little (*sob*), we looked at the music on our computer and decided some of it was inappropriate if she should come across it. Yet, I see that King Missile is still on here. If John gets to keep his “Detachable Penis,” I want my “Chocolate Salty Balls” back!
After years and years of denial, I have finally accepted that I cannot wear shoes with any kind of heel. There’s some kind of tendon (? I’m not a medical professional) that runs across my ankle and the top of my foot that gets sore/irritated even when wearing square-ish shoes with relatively low, wide heels. John doesn’t like these shoes anyway, but my rule of thumb when shopping goes like this:
1. comfort
2. fits *my* sense of aesthetics
3. fits other people’s sense of aesthetics
If someone tries to force #3 into the #2 or even the #1 spot, I feel compelled to invoke the “Bite Me” rule. (See sock post.)
As much as I like to pretend that I hate the expression “stupid cow,” I must say that it is perfect in certain situations. Say, when 2 girls are sitting on the stairs chatting and people are trying to get past in a space big enough for just 1 person.
I walked most of the way home from town this afternoon so I could TAKE MORE PHOTOS! Bwa ha ha! If you can’t stand the photos, stay out of the album! Or something. I had 120 photos when I walked in the door, but I pared them down and sorted them out, so there are now just under half up at yahoo. (I wasn’t going to inflict more Spring on you all, but a little bird told me that at least one of you likes them.)
Today was the first hot day this year. 30C! (86F) My grandmother mentioned they finally had a day *below* 90 a week or so ago in West Texas. But for us it was wonderfully hot and sunny. Walking around, I noticed all the smells of Spring/Early Summer that you don’t notice are missing: the river, cut grass, cow manure (near a small dairy), a faint scent of flowers. Lovely!
Monday, May 01, 2006
Attack of the Yahoo Photo Albums!
We had a lovely time on our Labor Day outing today, culminating in a billion photos for your perusal. About 20 minutes into our hike, Hannah admitted that she was "gradually starting to have fun." Well, I wouldn't want it to be a waste of our time.
On the way home, we shot more Spring photos. Really, I should just call these albums "Other People's Yards", because that's basically what they are. We live in an apartment, so I plant the seeds out of my fruit into pots for fun (they're sprouting!), try to keep the few houseplants I've bought alive, and enjoy the bounty of other people's gardening efforts and expense.
On the way home, we shot more Spring photos. Really, I should just call these albums "Other People's Yards", because that's basically what they are. We live in an apartment, so I plant the seeds out of my fruit into pots for fun (they're sprouting!), try to keep the few houseplants I've bought alive, and enjoy the bounty of other people's gardening efforts and expense.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Where Did I Go Wrong as a Mother?
Last night, Hannah told me, "Mom! Smell my finger!" and stuck her hand in my face.
Whoa, kid. That is something you never, ever, ever do to someone. It ranks right up there with putting your toothbrush in the toilet.
"Or telling someone to pull your finger," she helpfully added.
Now you're getting the idea.
I think John has male pms, because he is not being his usual cheerful self, and I may have to kill him. (See sock photo below.) His back is much better, though. He hasn't had to use his hot wattle bottle in several days and even managed to ride his bike into work a couple of days.
Tomorrow is Labor Day in lots of Europe, so we're going to celebrate the German way by going on a Wanderung (hiking). Hannah is protesting vociferously since we went 2 years ago with friends. Oh, no! Doing the same thing as 2 years ago! It's a rut!
It's the start of asparagus season, but fortunately, we are blessed with the gift of not being able to perceive the stinky pee, so we'll be enjoying lots of it. German asparagus is white, which means it grows covered with dirt so it doesn't develop chlorophyll properly (and may not be as nutritious as the green, but we're not sure). Asparagus is a big deal in a neighboring town, where they grow it and even crown an "asparagus queen".
Only one week into the new semester, and I am already studiously avoiding work. Pitiful. I guess I'll go make my famous homemade pot pie instead.
Whoa, kid. That is something you never, ever, ever do to someone. It ranks right up there with putting your toothbrush in the toilet.
"Or telling someone to pull your finger," she helpfully added.
Now you're getting the idea.
I think John has male pms, because he is not being his usual cheerful self, and I may have to kill him. (See sock photo below.) His back is much better, though. He hasn't had to use his hot wattle bottle in several days and even managed to ride his bike into work a couple of days.
Tomorrow is Labor Day in lots of Europe, so we're going to celebrate the German way by going on a Wanderung (hiking). Hannah is protesting vociferously since we went 2 years ago with friends. Oh, no! Doing the same thing as 2 years ago! It's a rut!
It's the start of asparagus season, but fortunately, we are blessed with the gift of not being able to perceive the stinky pee, so we'll be enjoying lots of it. German asparagus is white, which means it grows covered with dirt so it doesn't develop chlorophyll properly (and may not be as nutritious as the green, but we're not sure). Asparagus is a big deal in a neighboring town, where they grow it and even crown an "asparagus queen".
Only one week into the new semester, and I am already studiously avoiding work. Pitiful. I guess I'll go make my famous homemade pot pie instead.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Now with 50% less smart-ass
Here's Hannah's recent phone conversation with a school-mate (translated into English):
Hello. This is Hannah.
pause
Hannah!
pause
Han! Nah!
longer pause
I'm calling to tell you I can come to your birthday party on Saturday.
pause
I can come to your party on Saturday!
pause
On Saturday! Your party! I can come!
pause
Okay. See you Saturday.
pause
Saturday! Bye!
It seems there was a lot of background noise on the other end.
I like reading other people's blogs, but it feels kind of weird talking about them on my own blog. I mean, slightly voyeuristic or something. Usually I just plop them onto my blog roll and let people find them as they will. But today I am making a special case for Julia. She has been blogging (in addition to other things) her infertility problems, and although my heart breaks for her, you have to admire how honest and straightforward she is about her experience. So a little background on her for anyone who wants to click the link: She just had her 10th miscarriage after finding out through CVS that her baby had genetic abnormalities. She has a little boy who I think is 3 or 4, but she had miscarriages before and after she had him, I believe.
Hello. This is Hannah.
pause
Hannah!
pause
Han! Nah!
longer pause
I'm calling to tell you I can come to your birthday party on Saturday.
pause
I can come to your party on Saturday!
pause
On Saturday! Your party! I can come!
pause
Okay. See you Saturday.
pause
Saturday! Bye!
It seems there was a lot of background noise on the other end.
I like reading other people's blogs, but it feels kind of weird talking about them on my own blog. I mean, slightly voyeuristic or something. Usually I just plop them onto my blog roll and let people find them as they will. But today I am making a special case for Julia. She has been blogging (in addition to other things) her infertility problems, and although my heart breaks for her, you have to admire how honest and straightforward she is about her experience. So a little background on her for anyone who wants to click the link: She just had her 10th miscarriage after finding out through CVS that her baby had genetic abnormalities. She has a little boy who I think is 3 or 4, but she had miscarriages before and after she had him, I believe.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
You guys dodged a bullet this time
Rather than subject you all to more of my photo-worshipping of Spring, I high-jacked John's yahoo photo album. So browse if you like.
Back in the Saddle Again
I was talking to John over breakfast about buying M-Day cards for our "mom-people" (my words; aren't I an elegant wielder of the English language?), and Hannah chimed in "people-heads." Apparently, "mom-people" is not generic enough for her.
On the bus, I sat across from a woman wearing the ugliest argyle sweater EVER. I couldn't even find anything through the power of Google to compare it to, so just imagine: argyle. hot pink. baby pink. acid green lines. I am afraid looking at it might have melted my brain just a little.
Now that the semester has started back up, I can entertain you all with my endless people-watching.
I was walking between 2 classes, and I saw a guy wearing one of those nylon caps? hats? that I guess are supposed to look gangsta. (Pardon me—it's a du-rag; how did I not know?) All I could think was, "Boy, you've got a panty on your head!" Then I stepped off the curb weird because I was looking at his head instead of the sidewalk and almost broke my ankle. Stupid panty-wearing stupid-head.
Le Marriage Royale had a really rockin' dress in their window for a while. Hannah and I both totally dug it. It was off-white with gold lace, and the over-skirt was artfully pulled up and tucked here and there, leaving bits of net sticking out. I can just picture Cyndi Lauper getting married in it.
But now they have a couple of dull dresses with ruffles. *yawn*
At some point in my work and school career, I became *that* audience member. While most of my classmates are staring and drooling (even on the first day!), I'm smiling and nodding in encouragement. I hope I don't come across as deranged. Oh, well; it wouldn't be the first time.
The girl who sat directly across from me in my American novel class has the exact same zombie smile as the infamous H. R. from high school. (Big hint if you need it: she was our valedictorian.) Scary!
I "taught" my first class (meaning I was along for the ride), and attended 5 of my first 6, and my head hasn't even exploded yet. Go me!
On the bus, I sat across from a woman wearing the ugliest argyle sweater EVER. I couldn't even find anything through the power of Google to compare it to, so just imagine: argyle. hot pink. baby pink. acid green lines. I am afraid looking at it might have melted my brain just a little.
Now that the semester has started back up, I can entertain you all with my endless people-watching.
I was walking between 2 classes, and I saw a guy wearing one of those nylon caps? hats? that I guess are supposed to look gangsta. (Pardon me—it's a du-rag; how did I not know?) All I could think was, "Boy, you've got a panty on your head!" Then I stepped off the curb weird because I was looking at his head instead of the sidewalk and almost broke my ankle. Stupid panty-wearing stupid-head.
Le Marriage Royale had a really rockin' dress in their window for a while. Hannah and I both totally dug it. It was off-white with gold lace, and the over-skirt was artfully pulled up and tucked here and there, leaving bits of net sticking out. I can just picture Cyndi Lauper getting married in it.
But now they have a couple of dull dresses with ruffles. *yawn*
At some point in my work and school career, I became *that* audience member. While most of my classmates are staring and drooling (even on the first day!), I'm smiling and nodding in encouragement. I hope I don't come across as deranged. Oh, well; it wouldn't be the first time.
The girl who sat directly across from me in my American novel class has the exact same zombie smile as the infamous H. R. from high school. (Big hint if you need it: she was our valedictorian.) Scary!
I "taught" my first class (meaning I was along for the ride), and attended 5 of my first 6, and my head hasn't even exploded yet. Go me!
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Wallowing
So how did I manage to fuck away the last week? Huh? Really. I can't think of anything in particular that required a whole lot of my time, and yet I have very little to show for it. (Don't worry—I always get this foul-mouthed and foul-tempered right before school starts, and I never think I accomplished enough during the break. Which I didn't, but too late to cry over spilled milk now.)
John's back is doing much better, thanks. I knew he was feeling better when he started asking me to do things for him while giving me that woe-is-me look. When he was actually in pain, he didn't have enough extra energy to actually ask for help, so I had to practice John-omancy. I guess that's where part of my time went, since he's been out of commission for chores and such. But I've got a rain check to cash in for during my exams. Woo hoo!
Hannah has said some funny things lately. First, she was explaining something (I don't remember what, now) to us while we were walking around Eberbach, and when one of us expressed some doubt about how true it was, she shut us down by saying she had learned it at school, therefore it must be true. She's obviously well-indoctrinated.
Then tonight at dinner she was explaining the difference between speech bubbles and thought bubbles, because I said it wrong.
There was something else, but I can't seem to dig it out of my brain. That means it's time for more photo-blogging!
John's back is doing much better, thanks. I knew he was feeling better when he started asking me to do things for him while giving me that woe-is-me look. When he was actually in pain, he didn't have enough extra energy to actually ask for help, so I had to practice John-omancy. I guess that's where part of my time went, since he's been out of commission for chores and such. But I've got a rain check to cash in for during my exams. Woo hoo!
Hannah has said some funny things lately. First, she was explaining something (I don't remember what, now) to us while we were walking around Eberbach, and when one of us expressed some doubt about how true it was, she shut us down by saying she had learned it at school, therefore it must be true. She's obviously well-indoctrinated.
Then tonight at dinner she was explaining the difference between speech bubbles and thought bubbles, because I said it wrong.
There was something else, but I can't seem to dig it out of my brain. That means it's time for more photo-blogging!
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Happy Easter! Grrr!
Happy Easter! Grrr!
Originally uploaded by NeeS.
We've hardly seen Hannah this week. During the day, she's been at the play program I mentioned before, magic stuff and scary stuff and whatnot; in the afternoons and on into the evening, including one sleepover, she's been at the house of the friend she's been going with to the play program. Pretty soon they'll be Siamese best friends. I was able to snap this photo in the 2 minutes she ran home to get a change of clothes yesterday. (I like the sense of ennui you get from it: ah, the endless sameness of being a monster.) So far, all we've been able to get out of her about the day camp is that her group is called the Magic Wands, and that they took turns wrapping each other up like mummies one day. This would explain why Halloween hasn't been imported wholesale into Germany; they already have it at Easter.
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